Lately I've been thinking about what it means as a midlifer and grandmother/grandaunt and have a transformation in my life.
Many books and articles focus on things to do, activities and how being older is not the end result of life. I, however, want to focus on transforming my heart and my soul to navigate a changing atmosphere and lifestyle.
Getting "older," is not for the faint of heart. Not because one might be in denial but because it comes with a myriad of problems I never thought about. I was so excited to enter a phase whereby my cares seemed to dwindle and responsibilities limited that I did not think about the long term effects of living this life.
For one, loneliness and lack of purpose can seem endless if you don't have a way to fulfill those needs. We all need to feel connected. But before you go out to look for your "boo," take hold of the relationships you now have and discover how you can make them better.
Most of us are at the tail end of our lives.....more life behind than ahead. And that's just it, now that we know how important life is and how to appreciate it, it should make us more prone to do so. This is not a time to duck our heads in the sand and run (although it's quite tempting) but a time to enjoy and embellish the rest of this precious life you are given. You don't need a "boo," to do this (although it doesn't hurt) but you do need special and ongoing relationships that bring you life, laughter, love and growth.
When we hit midlife, most of us are in denial. It seemed to have come quickly without our consent and if we are blessed, we will recognize this and begin to see the irony and start to enjoy this trip and if we are not, we will spend the rest of our days looking for something that doesn't exist---a new life.
New life is only found in Christ and what I mean about that is that the teachings of the word and what Christ left behind, helps us change our perspective so that getting old is not synonymous with disappearing from life or vanishing as a person.
This is a challenge and one that I constantly fight. But enough of that, this blog aims to celebrate getting better not just older. I have attached some things I believe as midlifers or lifers.....lol that will help us feel good about ourselves, our lives and others. Some days it's a stretch to feel good about anything but that's when God has to step in and on most days it feels like life has meaning and purpose because he has given it to us to enjoy. I never realized, until I became older, that there were so many lonely and disenfranchised people. Many have given up all hope of any kind of life and some have become downright miserable. I understand. I'm not judging but living like that was not an alternative for me....so I continue to fight to shine....not to become anyone famous but to recognize that who I am, what I know and who I'm becoming still has lots of value and worth and so do you.
Let's continue to celebrate getting older with panache in these ways:
1. Take care of yourself. Really, not just with getting medicine or finding ways to survive but find ways to combat illness and sickliness and thrive. I know that some of us have illnesses that don't just go away with a mantra and positive attitude. We need medicine, doctors and special care but even then we can attempt to better our health, one day at a time. The problem most of us have is trying to do it all at once. Most of us, including myself, don't have the discipline for the long haul....but if we take a small dose daily of health bites, we might just arrive there.
We don't know how long we will live, but wouldn't it be great if we could live it with more energy, vitality and strength.
2. Make yourself look better. I remember when I was taking care of a senior (funny, me being a senior too, helped me to see the possible future.) who didn't think it mattered how she showed up in the world every day. Mainly because the older you become, the more people see you as invisible so what's the point? I would tell her, because you are alive that's the point.
God NEVER tells us to stop living. In fact he says he will be with us when our hair turns grey. And mine is definitely grey.....lol Check out these scriptures: Isaiah 46:4; Psalm 92:14. There are many more but God is definitely concerned about old agers.
I've finally come to terms with my mortality. What other choice do I have. It's like someone asking me "am I afraid to get old," afraid or not, it's a coming.
So wear that ball gown or special suit that you've been saving for a special occasion. Your life is an occasion that's happening everyday and soon it will end. Once we are in the grave, there is no more living. Stop worrying about all your ills (yep, I have worried and sometimes still do), but I'm learning to appreciate the saying "let go, and let God."
In case you think I'm just putting my head in the sand and saying "don't worry, be happy," I'm not. I take care of business for the most part, but I attempt to not worry about things I can't control which gives me a better perspective about life.
No, your life will not become positive and full over night but every step you make towards transforming your thoughts, is another day of victory.
3. Observe the world and present moment that's around you. No you don't have to languish in the flowers, and sing merrily like I do (yeah I know it looks crazy, but I enjoy it) but you do need to be intentional about living daily. What that looks like for you is different for me but ultimately it is about finding the things that light your soul and let them light it even among the sadness. God does help with the sadness by pushing it back so that it does not become our destiny. Ask me how I know.
I've always said I want God to surprise me. If I'm intentional about my life, that means I walk through this world with wonder, and learning.....not head down and barreling through, He will always surprise me. It might be through a scripture, through a person or event, but He always makes me see the beauty instead of the bad. Now, don't think I don't have my days, moments or months where this is tested and tried....and I get tired....but because He's always a prayer away, I can voice my concerns and He causes me to be better. A little tweak and I'm off to the races.
4. Find what you're passionate about or hobbies you might be interested in. My problem is I have so many interest, I can't seem to remain on one long enough to get the fruit. However, I've come to the conclusion that my purpose is not necessarily to get money but to live each day as it unfolds, the way the Lord intended. It's a blessing but can be a curse if I stress about how, when, where and what I need to be doing instead of just being. I know, many of us don't have time, or perhaps we have too much time and not enough motivation. If that's the case, find something that takes your interest even if it's small. The goal here is just to feel alive again. I remember My mom, when she was alive, calling me one day when she was going through midlife and saying how bored she was.....not sure how she solved that but I know remaining bored can lead you into all sorts of temptations and wrong directions if you give in to it. I also used to tell my nieces, whom I raised, when they would tell me that they were bored....."you're bored because you're boring." I didn't do this to make them feel bad, but to make them realize that boredom is an inside out job. We're usually bored because we don't want to do anything (we've gotten lazy and have no direction) or we're too afraid to make change and attempt something new.
Life only expands, when you expand. I should know, I struggle with the same things but I've found that I have to keep moving especially now that I'm retired. I have to still structure my time and my days.
